A friend and I were paying a bill the other day. “You ever catch yourself doing something you hate,” he asked.
“All the time,” I said.
We stood in line in silence for a few moments; after a few moments more, he spoke again.
“Well,” he said, arms up in a ‘let’s hear it’ manner.
“Well what,” I asked.
“What are some things you hate doing,” he asked.
“Eating, sleeping, and wasting time,” I said.
“Well that was simp– wait you hate eating,” he asked, “Why?”
“I don’t like anything that I have to do to survive that otherwise seems like a waste of time,” I said. “It doesn’t mean that i don’t get enjoyment form them, but you tend to overdo it when it’s something as good as your basic human needs.”
“That’s blasphemy,” he said, sarcastically over-appalled. “You need your sleep man, and we definitely need this stuff, it’s too damn delicious,” he said, taking a large bite out his burrito from the mall’s food court.
“It’s the truth,” I said. “But I wouldn’t give complaint if I didn’t have a solution to propose. They’re a bit far out there but I think their pretty reasonable if we haven’t found the elixir for immortality by the time they’re possible.”
“Alright, I’ll bite. What do you propose?”
“Okay, so, first things first: we need to fix this food issue,” I said. “I think the best way to do that is to make a daily pill. I mean think about it, we have a pill for everything else in this world. Why not make a pill and save a lot of wasted time and food for those who’d rather not eat.”
“That seems a bit deranged,” he said, taking out a bag of sludgy trash. “I do see your point about the wastefulness, but a pill, really?”
“It’s just a thought. Besides, they go hand in hand if you think about it,” I said. “What’s the worst if we could knock out obesity, world hunger, and wasted food budgets?”
“You do have a point, but what about wasted time and sleeping,” he asked.
“Well, there really isn’t getting around wasted time; that’s more of a self-standard you have to hold yourself to,” I said, running on a treadmill. “The sleeping thing, on the other hand…”
“This ought to be good,” he remarked.
“Why couldn’t we have an implant inserted into our brains that allows us to relive our most memories? That or we could really get creative with the dreams. Think about this for a moment: any video game or movie will star you as the lead roll. Now, instead of wasting time you have a true entertainment experience. You can wake up at any time if it’s not befitting your taste or causing too much stress, and you just load another one into your head.”
“That actually sounds really cool, but who would invent something like that,” he asked, dressed as a magician for a children’s birthday party and holding a saw.
“Someone smarter than I,” I said, lying horizontal in the box.