Bitter and sweet, very true. Looking at something you’ve spent countless hours on, all so it comes out looking only as good as the polished piece of posh served up by the next grade A asshole is really depressing.
I don’t want this to be me. I don’t want the original idea of Quarterstories to fall in line with the rest.
That’s why I’m not writing for Quarterstories as often anymore. Those who know me or actively read what I write, I care about you all and feel responsible for the content you read here. That’s why this is bitter. I can’t help the amassing sense of responsibility I feel for this website, not to mention all the other responsibilities in my life.
However, I can manage them better.
This brings me to the sweet part that I really should have focused on earlier in the year. But, like many bullheaded young men, I thought to myself many times, ‘if Wim Hof can climb Mount Everest in his shorts and David Goggins can run marathons until his legs fall off, why can’t I write until my fingers bleed?’
I didn’t want to give up, and in many ways, I’m not going to. I feel like it’d be considered changing direction.
I’m disbanding everything on Quarterstories for now for a few reasons. The ends justify the means, so here goes:
1. The stories aren’t even here…
I made Quarterstories over a year ago in hopes that it would bring me closer to my creativity in way of writing and improve it as well. It has done that and much, much more. It’s given me a sense of purpose as a writer as well as a sense of responsibility when it comes to you all, my readers.
That’s why I feel responsible when garbage is hocked in your face because there was a deadline and simply not enough time to properly edit the piece.
Moreover, the point of Quarterstories was never to have just my stories on this platform.
Initially I was okay with writing all the content, but listening to one gasbag give spiel after spiel on things that may not matter to anyone else is blatantly irresponsible in way of creative diversity.
I wanted a community of writer’s that support, workshop, and talk to one another about what we’re all here for in the first place: the story, the writing, and just how they work hand in hand.
I’m not giving the stories I want to as this site stands. I’m giving periodical rants that have sprinkles of satire in the mix.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of Confessions of a People Watcher. I’ve had some amazing times writing it, but if all your reading here is my self-serving bullshit, you’re better off with a copy of People or Life Magazine.
I need to snuff out this problem now before I get in too deep. This brings me to my second point.
2. I have entirely too much on my plate.
“Wah wah wah, more dribble.” I say, “nay nay.” I think it was Clint Eastwood that said, “a man’s got to know his limitations. I know I personally do a damn good job of stretching my limits often, but, as many of my peers have told me of late, “[I’m] stretching myself too thin.”
I’m starting to agree as the years progress and understand that moderation is important.
There’s work (50 hours including the commute), College, (10 hours including the commutes), and, of course, there seems to be nothing but mountains of work waiting on me when I get home; I’m a restless person that loves spending my spare time working.
But, and there’s always a but, there’s a line that needs to be drawn when the workweek is nothing but work and you tend to, more often than not, show a lack of anything really worthwhile because you can’t focus on what you care about(e.g. Confessions of a People Watcher).
Speaking of such things, let’s talk about the last thing.
3) Where Do We go from here?
The way I’m going to answer this question will kill a few birds with a single stone. First, when Quarterstories first came about, I was persistent, and eager, to bring content for those looking for it and perhaps for those who weren’t but still enjoyed it. It also gave me the opportunity to practice urgency in a way that satisfies my need for achievement.
But, in doing this and spitting out countless articles that only temporarily satisfied my craving, I missed out on actually developing a site that was unique to what I wanted to do.
I write upwards of three thousand words a day when I can, sometimes way more if a paper is due for college, but I wanted to make this site something for all writers to come to. Instead, it feels like a blob of work that’s fallen in line with all the rest of the crappy sites out there.
Quarterstories, at this point in it’s development, is pulling too much of my attention and wasting it as well.
Standing out means working hard, and, for me especially, this means having a solid foundation. I want to redesign this website on my own, and not through WordPress, either. I feel like it’s cheating this way; It’s too convenient.
I like challenges.
Instead, the rest of this year and all of 2019 will be all about developing skill sets in coding languages for better website development, continuing the book I’ve been working on(and slacking on more than I’m comfortable with), and working on building a publishing portfolio for when the book is ready to be published via magazine submissions.
You can’t enter the gladiator’s ring without some armor. But, you still need to focus on which armor suits you best.
Until I can come back with a more focused, conscious mind on what I write, I want my work on Quarterstories to be strictly observational and a place to re-home the stories that don’t make it to magazines.
There may be other writers who make it here as well.
I’ll be back, sometimes or another, but at the end of the day I just don’t think this project is where my head needs to be anymore. I’m interested in creating works of fiction and coding (odd mix, I know), but I’m very involved in delivering the best I possibly can to anyone whose willing to read my stuff.
This means giving my attention inward again so I can better deliver outward in the years to come.
Until next time, dear reader. I love you all because you’re what make the countless hours worth it, and you’re the reasons I’ll be back again with something amazing.